Ask Sterling Archer

May 08

effyeaharcher:

Guys…today I became obsessed with doodling on my phone. Have an adorable Archer!

This is an interesting interpretation.  although I wouldn’t be smiling because in that scenario, I would probably be blinded by the night vision goggles (again).

effyeaharcher:

Guys…today I became obsessed with doodling on my phone. Have an adorable Archer!

This is an interesting interpretation.  although I wouldn’t be smiling because in that scenario, I would probably be blinded by the night vision goggles (again).

May 07

Ray, Leshawnda is not a whore.  She’s just a very nervous yet ambitious girl who wants to get through community college and needs all the money she can get!

…. wait why do I care?

askdockrieger:

askraygillette:

askdockrieger:

I am pretty sure I am going to make Barry and Archer gay fanart as the next mural on my van…

With Barry being the bottom because…well…I think he’d want it that way.

Y’know, I honestly think Archer would be bottom. I’ve always thought he’d be a power bottom, dominate in how he’s receiving it. I can’t really see Barry puttin’ up with getting plowed into a mattress.

Just a bit.

Are you guys serious?  What makes you think that I would even let you plaster that on your van without me covering it in tacky off-purple paint?  Maybe I’ll add a graphic to my paintjob that calls you president of the “Geddy Lee can go get raped by snakes and arrows” club?

SOMEBODY GOT STAINS ON MY TURTLENECK!  WHO IS RESPONSIBLE!?!

May 05

Anonymous asked: have you ever donated sperm?

Nooooope.  Who knows what kind of security those places have?  If someone like the KGB got ahold of my sperm, they could make a dna hybrid between me and Barry to create a super spy.  Kind of like Superboy.  No, if I’m going to donate sperm, I’m going to donate it directly to the sexy woman of choice.

idrvfast asked: Are you still doing Pam on the dirty?

yeah, pretty often.  some weeks are busier than others, but I’m not sure.

Anonymous asked: Fuck/Kill/Marry: Ray, Cyril and Pam. GO!

fuck Pam, kill Ray and Cyril, and marry myself.  

May 03

alterego9114 asked: In your opinion, who is the scariest Batman villain. Also, who is the least threatening?

The scariest Batman Villain is obviously Scarecrow.  His fears gas can make you hallucinate having a brain aneurism and being attacked by crocodiles. Oh wait!  Killer Croc is the scariest!  Or maybe a team-up between the two?  that would be insane.

Oh, and lamest villain is probably the Calculator. Just look at his costume.  It’s something that Cyril would probably come up with.

May 02

[video]

Anonymous asked: Would you ever go exclusive, like date, Pam?

I don’t know.  We seem to have a pretty good thing going on as it is.  And I don’t think she’s necessarily dating material.  A romantic partner has to learn to keep secrets, which Pam can’t help but not do.